Holy Cow! Cubs Win!

A bright spot. Finally. The Cubs looked great today while beating the Cardinals 6-2 to complete a four-game sweep. Carlos Zambrano pitched a solid 6 innings, setting the stage for another 'kind of ugly but at least he did it' Ryan Dempster save. Watching the game was like stepping into some kind of parallel universe. The Cardinals, the most dominant team in the NL Central, looked like a bunch of minor-leaguers who got to suit up for a game. Lots of fielding mistakes, not to mention the fact that their usually solid hitting was all but completely shut down. The Cubs, on pace to a ninety-plus loss season, had inspired fielding, and did a great job of capitalizing on offensive opportunities. I think we should petition Bud Selig to schedule the Cardinals for about 100 games each season. Seriously. We're 10-3 against the Cardinals this year. Someone explain this to me. We've won six of our last seven playing some of the best teams in the NL. Yet we have literally no chance of even seeing the playoffs. If there's one thing I've learned as a Cubs fan, it's to enjoy the little victories. Sweeping the Cards in a 4-game series? I'll definitely savor this one for a while.

Let's just get this over with.

Ninety-seven games down. Sixty-five left to go.
The third-worst record in baseball (thanks, Pittsburgh and Kansas City!). Isn't it time to fire Dusty already? What started out as a decent-looking team in April and May (remember those good old days?) has now degenerated into a sad-looking bunch of hacks that might be given a run for their money by the local community college on the right day. The bullpen is decimated, the fielding is sloppy, and the offense seems to have forgotten that just getting on base doesn't win games. Now, we Cubs fans are used to not always having the best record. But just three short years ago, we were five outs from the World Series. What people don't remember is that just after the "Bartman incident,"the Cubs had a complete meltdown. One that a competent manager could have stopped. That episode to me summarizes the problem with having Dusty Baker at the helm. You can have remarkably talented team, but when there's trouble, he's either unable or unwilling to pull the team back together. Either way, it's unacceptable. Sure, the Cubs may be the "lovable losers," but we have our limits, too. Time to clean some house. Maybe we'll see some solid additions tomorrow before the trade deadline is over. Maybe Dusty will be gone by the end of the season. Maybe there's next year.

Enough, already. And:One of the coolest things ever.

I don't even know where to start with this one...Abercrombie and Fitch is donating $10 million to the Columbus (Ohio) Children's Hospital. That in itself is fine and good. Money for sick kids? I'm all for it. Here's the clincher-"The “Abercrombie & Fitch Emergency Department and Trauma Center” will be part of a new main hospital facility, scheduled to break ground in 2008 and open in 2011." Read that again if you need to. The "Abercrombie & Fitch Emergency Department and Trauma Center." What next? The Pixy Stix Juvenile Diabetes Ward? The Hardees Thickburger Cardiology Center? Stop it. Just stop it. It's very nice that a corporation is willing to give money to a worthy cause. But it's entirely unnecessary that said corporation needs its name plastered all over it.

In the future, maybe this is how a trip to the ER will be...(cue dream sequence)

"Welcome to the Lady Foot Locker Trauma Ward. What seems to be wrong?"
"I think my arm is broken."
"All right sir, the doctor will be in momentarily. Have a seat here in Bank of America exam room number two. I'll be back later to take you over to the Cingular Wireless X-Ray Center. If you need anything, my name is Nurse Ratched, and I'll be your Toyota Duty Nurse-don't forget to ask about great interest rates on new Camrys and Corollas-for a limited time only!"

I don't know what to file this under...but I can narrow it down to a couple possible categories-
1) Reason no. 11,843 I really dislike Ohio.
2) Reason no. 845,372 I want to slap every CEO in the country.
3) Reason no. 1,768,290 I should be in charge.

Sorry if I had a Peter (you know what grinds my gears?) Griffin moment there. By the way, if you don't believe me-you can go here and read the press release. Just crazy enough to be true.

In other news, one of the coolest things I've seen for a while. File this under "why didn't they have this when I was 7?" Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the "Hose Nose."



This ingenious little device attaches over your real nose and serves as...wait for it...a candy dispenser. To steal a phrase from Chuck Palahniuk, "awesome isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind." I'm easily amused, I know.