I learn from "Mystery."

I stumbled across an episode of a show on VH1 called "The Pick-Up Artist." It's (gasp!) a reality show where contestants learn "the art of seduction" from a man who calls himself only "Mystery." Now, Mystery claims to be a expert, and with the help of his wingmen "Matador" and "J-Dog" (not making this up, by the way) says that he can teach this misfit bunch of guys his secrets.

The secrets to be learned from these Zen masters? According to VH1's website, " the ins and outs of the Mystery Method-- "how to open a set," "the number close" and "the kiss close" among others." In plain English, those roughly translate to "how to approach a group," "how to get a girl's number," and "how to get a girl to kiss you." The gist of the whole system is basically this: Use canned or rehearsed lines as conversation starters. Show interest, but not too much. Use backhanded compliments-for example "I like your nails. Are they real?" Repeat as needed until the bar skank girl gives you her number, kisses you, etc. The bottom line is that the contestants on the show are seemingly well-meaning guys who desperately need some confidence. If they walk away feeling better about themselves, great. But I can't take any of this seriously, especially when the "master of seduction" looks like this:


Seriously. That's him.

When it's all said and done, I still like to believe that nice guys can wind up with quality girls. I'll gladly leave the bar skanks of the world to Mystery and his pals.